You Thought I Was Finished!

Following is the rest of the list of the “Summary of Abuses” which I posted two blogs back. This list is found in Twisted Scriptures.

For each of the following abuses, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Was this applicable for my group?
2. Did I always think or act this way before I became involved with the group?
3. In respect to this point, what did our group teach that other churches don't normally stress?

In your group, did you see that...

• It was sometimes easier to say yes than deal with the guilt if one said no?
• Discipling was elevated to a place of primacy equal to our baptismal or marriage vows?
• There was a belief that one must be in a discipling relationship for his or her whole life?
• There was sometimes concealment of, or coloration of, the truth about why members left or were asked to leave?
• There was a selective recruitment process – leaders wanted only people who were willing to be totally dedicated to the program leaders?
• Leaders overwhelmed newcomers with love, acceptance, and lots of attention at the onset?
• Teachings used layers of truth, revealing existing policies a step at a time?
• There was a certain order in learning the group’s teachings (for example, one should experience the care of a discipler before learning about commitment to the discipler.)?
• Many members felt pressure to reach unrealistic standards of behaviour?
• Your group had odd traditions such as refraining from giving presents at Christmas?
• There was little respect for diversity?
• Certain kinds of deception were legitimized (for example, Word of God, had front groups such as UCO, MCA, Men’s Breakfast, Delta Chi Rho: when an event was advertised, they often didn’t show Word of God as the sponsor.) ?
• Members were taught that people outside cannot understand what we believe, and it is right not to disclose this information?
• Those who wanted to leave have difficulty in moving out of the group?
• Members’ self-worth and hope for salvation were tied to staying in the group?
• There were often subtle messages like: Are you going to leave after all we have done for you?
• Dying To Self was exaggerated into becoming over-responsible for others and under-responsible for one’s self?
• Teachings about selflessness reinforced the idea of an exaggerated call to sacrificial service?
• Your group stressed looking for opportunities to lay down your life?
• Healthy relationships (with friends in the group) were not to be expected to continue once you left?
• Members were encouraged to make smug remarks about those who left?
• Members were taught to interpret the Golden Rule “Love thy neighbour, forget thy self” instead of Loving your neighbour AS yourself?
• Legitimate goals and dreams of members were often reshaped?
• Assertive women often were turned into doormats?
• The importance of unity was emphasized instead of discovering the value of one’s uniqueness?
• The prevailing attitude was that objections and questions from members stemmed not from reasoned and fairly objective analysis but rather from the person’s spiritual or emotional problems?
• There was extreme teaching on subordination, obedience, submission instead of Matt. 20:25-28, Acts 11:1-4, or Gal. 2:14-21?
• The tendency to listen, believe, and obey resulted in an atrophy of critical and analytical thinking skills?
• Leadership fostered a sense of urgency in order to gain cooperation?
• Dissenting was always bad?
• Group policy of extreme submission often produced oppression of women?
• The group’s ideal of Christian womanhood promoted dependency?
• An overemphasis on subordination of women in order to produce a quiet, gentle spirit contributed to passivity, confusion, repressed anger, depression, and at times, compulsive behaviour on the part of female members?
• In your group, women were not seen as men’s peers?
• Motherhood and home-making were so highly praised as to give the impression that (for females) other interests were far inferior?
• Women who expressed or shared difficulties in their marriages were usually advised to submit, love, serve, and respect their husbands more?
• Members were rarely advised to seek professional counsel?
• It was usually decided that the one who needed to change was the woman instead of the man in order to put the marriage back on track?
• Men were encouraged to “have more distance” from their emotions or not to respond to them?
• The value of feelings and emotions was often disdained when these conflicted with the leader’s point of view?
• The underlying concept was that emotions are not a reliable guide to our actions, even when they are valid?
• Making a choice other than the one recommended by leaders was usually thought unwise or rebellious?
• Husbands were given an all-encompassing responsibility for their households – directing wives in all areas at all times – not just when problems arose?
• Sometimes mistrust was fostered in marriages as the husbands became more trusting of the disciplers?
• Some fathers were told to be “uncompromising” with children without regard to sensitivity to the children?
• This uncompromising attitude often led to emotional distance and unavailability of fathers?
• Single men were called on to give many hours of service?
• The group reduced marriage to merely a functional relationship?
• Friendships between men and women were often discouraged?
• Dating and courtship were highly controlled?
• Most members believed that they were only to date/marry other members?
• Disciplers demanded so much time that little was left to pursue old friendships or families outside the group?
• Some members were disillusioned because they expected as a participant in discipleship that life should go better?
• Many experienced disappointment and anger because compliance and faithfulness to the system went unrewarded?
• Many who once defended and promoted controlling leaders now feel that their integrity was compromised?
• There was a general mistrust of others outside the group?
• There was a general loss of personal privacy?

If you don’t understand how any one of these is detrimental, be sure to talk with an objective person to gain some perspective, otherwise you may miss some essential points.