In cultic submission, there is little or no opportunity for self expression. Assertiveness, initiative, questioning, and expressing feelings of individuality are strictly forbidden or severely discouraged. In cultic submission, people fear rejection, crave approval, need constant reassurance and advice from their leaders, and panic when they fear they have displeased them.
Cult "submission" is dependency -- not submission. What is healthy submission? In biblical submission there is no denial of one's personality, thoughts, feelings, or expressions. To "deny self" does not mean to deny one's personhood. We are to deny the selfish, sinful, hurtful qualities of the self, but certainly not our personhood. We submit because we want to serve another person, or facilitate a certain ministry. After all, Christ was in submission to His disciples -- He served them constantly.
Paul, an apostle who submitted to the Lord and to the brethren, did not hesitate to confront Peter for his hypocrisy in refusing to eat with the Gentiles (Galations 2:11-14). Neither did godly women of Scripture hesitate speaking their minds when the situation required. Caleb's daughter requested that she receive an inheritance not only of land, but of springs as well (Joshua 15:19). Sarah protested the continued presence of Hagar and her son. This was not being unsubmissive, because God told Abraham that he should listen to Sarah and send Hagar and the boy away (Genesis 21:8-21). Abigail completely overrode her husband Nabal, after he refused to offer food and supplies to David's army, by providing the necessary provisions to David's army. This prevented David from taking moral vengeance against Nabal. David thanked God for Abigail's generosity, and praised her wisdom (1 Samuel 25:9-38).
In biblical submission, we may have to give of our time, talents, and energy to please and serve others, but not to our own detriment. I submit to my employer in performing my job as instructed. But I will not submit to attempts to label me and define my existence. I will not allow anyone to tell me what I should or should not feel. I obey when asked to do something in line with my job responsibilities, but I am not obligated to submit to that which is wrong.
As a faithful Christian and a serious church member, there are times when I voluntarily submit. However, the authority of church leaders lies mainly in the area of faith and morals. Beyond the responsibility of instruction concerning correct doctrine and the promotion of moral behaviour, church leaders cannot rightfully expect submission beyond the clear teaching of Scripture. There are many secondary points of doctrine in which the church has always been undecided (the method of baptism, the role of women in the church and the home, the form of worship, etc.). On such points pastors and others are free to give their opinions and conclusions, but apart from clear and unambiguous Scriptural teaching, no one has the authority to compel acceptance of their personal views.
This applies also to matters of behaviour or lifestyle. When the Scripture is silent, leaders may not legislate. They may direct members to biblical principles, and suggest ways to apply these principles to specific situations but they must leave the final decision as a matter between an individual and God. In the second chapter of Colossians, Paul clearly teaches that Christians should not obey their leaders on matters unrelated to the Gospel, or on things that are actually a distortion of the Gospel itself. In that context, the prescription to observe certain days, to eat or to abstain from certain foods, or to take special note of leaders boasting of visions or delighting in certain types of self-abasement was to be avoided. Paul's implication for us is clear -- honouring leaders has its limits, and the responsibility for discerning truth is never taken away from the individual Christian. We are to evaluate all things in the light of what we know to be truth -- the Gospel as originally taught by the apostles and as we find it in the New Testament.
Nor am I obligated to submit by remaining silent if my pastor sins. Paul tells us in the first chapter of Galatians never to submit to anyone who teaches or practices error. Paul himself refused to sit by while so-called spiritual leaders behaved hypocritically (Galatians 2:11-14). In fact, a true sign of my submission to my pastor will be that I do confront him or her when they are wrong, and continue to follow correct biblical guidelines in confronting him until there is a change of behaviour.
One last word about submission. The entire concept of submission must be understood in the context of Christian grace and freedom. If submission to another does not result in increased grace and freedom, then it is not biblical submission. It is dependency and tyranny.
(from Cult Proofing Your Kids by Dr. Paul R. Martin)
