Toxic Characteristic #2
Every church or ministry must have a strong leader if it is to meet the challenges of hurting people and help them grow in faith. The stronger the leader, the stronger the ministry, whether the person holds all the power or chooses to delegate everything.
Problems arise when the leader takes his or her leadership role as license to dictate whatever he or she feels is right or wrong. Those who work in such a setting find themselves either agreeing with the direction of the ministry or leaving. There is no room to compromise, since the dictatorial leader believes that everyone should submit to his or her rule without question. Those who feel for their jobs or feel they may not be able to find similar jobs will comply with the leader rather than challenge certain decisions or actions.
Often a strong leader mistakes a position of leadership for a position free from accountability. The leader will set up a toxic-faith system that allows for free reign and no accountability. There may be a board of directors, elders, or deacons, but when the authoritarian leader picks them, he or she picks people who are easily manipulated and easily fooled. What appears to be a board of accountability is in fact a rubber-stamp group that merely gives credibility to the leader's moves. These board members become the co-conspirators of the persecutor and permit the toxic leader to persecute without interruption. Then when a practice is called into question, such as an extremely high salary, the persecuting dictator justifies it by saying the board made the decision or approved it. The illusion of accountability becomes more dangerous than those organizations that blatantly disregard accountability.
In a toxic-faith system, the organization revolves around a dynamic leader whose vision for the ministry launched it. Many solid ministries have been started by the vision of a dynamic leader, and they are able to continue or reorganize when that leader relocates, retires, dies, or is asked to leave the organization. In a toxic -faith system, the organization would sink or discontinue without the authoritarian ruler to tell the people what to do. His or her name is all over the ministry. Without the talent and charismatic personality of that leader, there would be no reason or motivation to continue the mission. The ministry is a short-term project centered on one individual, not God. When that individual chooses to exploit and manipulate the followers, the exploitation goes unabated since there is no accountability. And when for some reason the leader leaves the ministry, it dies.
Individuals who gather around a ministry of true faith use their talents to reach out to people and serve God. They fit in their talents and abilities where God can best use them. In a toxic-faith system, talents and abilities are used to meet the needs of the authoritarian leader. His or her needs come first and must be met for the ministry to continue. The persecuted victims, blind to the manipulation and egotism of the leader, line up to assist in serving the persecutor. When the victims find out they have not served God or other followers, they usually get very angry and often must deal with feelings of betrayal and abuse, similar to recovery from an incestuous relationship.
Underneath the raging ego of the leader is a suffering person who fears being unimportant. The position of leadership may have been the first and only time the minister had any authority. He or she uses the authority to prop up feelings of inadequacy. Anyone eager to advance in the organization must never challenge the authority of the toxic-faith leader. Additionally, followers must give their complete support to the leader -- and to the leader's style of management -- without criticism. Any negative comment or action is perceived as a threat. The threat is eliminated so the ministry can survive and the mission can be accomplished.
The authoritarian leader comes to power through a combination of a driven personality, tremendous talent, and loads of charisma. The individual has no problem establishing spiritual and emotional authority over religious addicts by using persuasion and manipulation. When followers see a dynamic presentation of beliefs and behaviours, they unquestioningly accept the teachings, doctrines, and dogma. The more they accept the teachings of the toxic leader, the more the leader feels the people's dependency, and the more license the leader takes in controlling the thoughts and beliefs of his or her followers. As long as people are willing to follow, that leader will feel supported by God in whatever he or she desires to do. The leader is completely unaware that the entire exercise is being conducted to build ego rather than to serve God.
(Toxic Faith, Chapter 6)
Friday, August 15, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
The Claim of Special Powers from God
Toxic Faith Characteristic #1- continued
The claim of special powers from God is another way for a person to feel valued regardless of whether they have anything to do with God. This claim is often used to manipulate people into believing the gifted one is a great person of God. One of the scariest scriptures for these toxic ministers is found in Matthew 7:21-23:
Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord," shall enter the kingdom of heaven...Many will say to Me in that day, "Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?" And then I will declare to them, "I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practiced lawlessness!"
No more notorious abuse takes place than in the area of faith healing. At times God rips through the normal bonds of the universe and heals people miraculously. On some occasions He uses people to facilitate that process, and on other occasions He does not. The problem comes when some people use teachings about God's healing power to manipulate and exploit believers.
A perfect example is the faith healer from California who claimed to know people's afflictions, their names, where they lived, and other personal tidbits that only a miracle worker would know. Once he had established his credibility through such feats of knowledge, he would claim to heal the people of what he knew was wrong with them. The religious addicts who followed him loved to watch his magic and believed that it was all real. He deceived his devoted followers into believing God revealed the needed information to him. In fact, supplied with a tiny hearing device and radio receiver, he got the information from his wife, who had gathered it before the "performances." Confronted about the practice, he admitted that it had been part of the family tradition passed down from his minister father.
Not only did he mislead loyal and would-be followers into believing that he was hearing God, but he deceived them into believing he healed those people with the power of Jesus. The power of modern technology was portrayed as the power of the Saviour of the world. He used this supposed special power to prove he enjoyed a favoured position with God.
This man's exploitation of the terminally ill, the sick, and the afflicted, and his ability to reportedly laugh about the exploitation of their finances, are unconscionable. Few things are more cruel than exploiting an individual's search for hope. To these persons God may well say, "I never knew you."
Sadly, the addicts who follow them may never know God either.
The claim of special powers from God is another way for a person to feel valued regardless of whether they have anything to do with God. This claim is often used to manipulate people into believing the gifted one is a great person of God. One of the scariest scriptures for these toxic ministers is found in Matthew 7:21-23:
Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord," shall enter the kingdom of heaven...Many will say to Me in that day, "Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?" And then I will declare to them, "I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practiced lawlessness!"
No more notorious abuse takes place than in the area of faith healing. At times God rips through the normal bonds of the universe and heals people miraculously. On some occasions He uses people to facilitate that process, and on other occasions He does not. The problem comes when some people use teachings about God's healing power to manipulate and exploit believers.
A perfect example is the faith healer from California who claimed to know people's afflictions, their names, where they lived, and other personal tidbits that only a miracle worker would know. Once he had established his credibility through such feats of knowledge, he would claim to heal the people of what he knew was wrong with them. The religious addicts who followed him loved to watch his magic and believed that it was all real. He deceived his devoted followers into believing God revealed the needed information to him. In fact, supplied with a tiny hearing device and radio receiver, he got the information from his wife, who had gathered it before the "performances." Confronted about the practice, he admitted that it had been part of the family tradition passed down from his minister father.
Not only did he mislead loyal and would-be followers into believing that he was hearing God, but he deceived them into believing he healed those people with the power of Jesus. The power of modern technology was portrayed as the power of the Saviour of the world. He used this supposed special power to prove he enjoyed a favoured position with God.
This man's exploitation of the terminally ill, the sick, and the afflicted, and his ability to reportedly laugh about the exploitation of their finances, are unconscionable. Few things are more cruel than exploiting an individual's search for hope. To these persons God may well say, "I never knew you."
Sadly, the addicts who follow them may never know God either.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The Claim of a Special Annointing or Calling
Toxic Characteristic #1 - continued
One terribly poisonous misconception claims that God had a special calling only for certain people and everyone else needs to find something "unspecial" to do. According to the misconception, the business person who tries to do God's will on the job is not as special as the leader of a church.
This premise contradicts the teaching that God has a special plan for every person's life. In a healthy church, a pastor will encourage individuals to minister as they discover talents and gifts that can be used in serving God. The minister of pure faith will encourage everyone to consider themselves special in the eyes of God. Each person has a very special place of service designed by God, and each person should be encouraged to find it.
In a toxic system, the toxic minister sets himself or herself up as having a special destiny or mission that can be performed by no one else. This special anointing or calling is often nothing more than the pathological need to be valued or esteemed. It also takes some of the power that should be attributed to God and gives it to the toxic minister. It is a way to usurp God's authority, and it is a way to discredit anyone who disagrees with the direction of the ministry. If others will not value the minister enough to submit to his or her dictatorial rule, God's anointing is called in to make sure that everyone understands that any waiver of support is really a waiver in faith in God. Those who have felt this type of manipulation should leave this church or organization immediately. But most religious addicts don't feel it; they thrive on it (for a while).
This claim of a special touch has caused problems for people I know. The abuse of a high position to build a self-serving ego has caused unhealthy marriages to continue without healing, finances to be wasted, time to be spent in hours of futile work, and individuals to feel forsaken by a God who does not seem to care. Under the guise of special direction from God, many individuals have compromised their faith and fallen into a trap that did nothing but establish one person's authority above any earthly accountability.
The religious addicts at the top always seem to profit from this misguided loyalty by being able to spend more, build more, or sin more, depending on the area of their lives that has deteriorated. The victimized followers -- seeking a closer relationship with God but focusing more on the addicted leader than on God -- lose contact with God and often fall away from faith permanently. Misguided loyalty allows the delusions of the leader to grow and destroys the faith of the loyal. The result may be financial or spiritual bankruptcy. The only hope to protect other potential victims is for the leader who claims to be God's special officer to be forced into accountability or dethroned.
Power often corrupts. When organizations develop with little or no accountability for the leader, tremendous potential exists for the leader to fall into corruption. One church I was involved with in Texas confronted a minister about his behaviour. Many issues led to the question of whether the minister should stay or go. The minister responded by saying he had started the church and that anyone disagreeing with him should leave. He claimed that God had given him a vision for the church and the means by which the church had grown. The leaders knuckled under to the pressure, and the minister retained his position. He continued with no form of accountability, and it was only a matter of time until he got into trouble again.
When ministers wield absolute authority, everyone loses, even God. This is always the case when religion serves the person instead of a person serving God.
(Toxic Faith, Chapter 6)
One terribly poisonous misconception claims that God had a special calling only for certain people and everyone else needs to find something "unspecial" to do. According to the misconception, the business person who tries to do God's will on the job is not as special as the leader of a church.
This premise contradicts the teaching that God has a special plan for every person's life. In a healthy church, a pastor will encourage individuals to minister as they discover talents and gifts that can be used in serving God. The minister of pure faith will encourage everyone to consider themselves special in the eyes of God. Each person has a very special place of service designed by God, and each person should be encouraged to find it.
In a toxic system, the toxic minister sets himself or herself up as having a special destiny or mission that can be performed by no one else. This special anointing or calling is often nothing more than the pathological need to be valued or esteemed. It also takes some of the power that should be attributed to God and gives it to the toxic minister. It is a way to usurp God's authority, and it is a way to discredit anyone who disagrees with the direction of the ministry. If others will not value the minister enough to submit to his or her dictatorial rule, God's anointing is called in to make sure that everyone understands that any waiver of support is really a waiver in faith in God. Those who have felt this type of manipulation should leave this church or organization immediately. But most religious addicts don't feel it; they thrive on it (for a while).
This claim of a special touch has caused problems for people I know. The abuse of a high position to build a self-serving ego has caused unhealthy marriages to continue without healing, finances to be wasted, time to be spent in hours of futile work, and individuals to feel forsaken by a God who does not seem to care. Under the guise of special direction from God, many individuals have compromised their faith and fallen into a trap that did nothing but establish one person's authority above any earthly accountability.
The religious addicts at the top always seem to profit from this misguided loyalty by being able to spend more, build more, or sin more, depending on the area of their lives that has deteriorated. The victimized followers -- seeking a closer relationship with God but focusing more on the addicted leader than on God -- lose contact with God and often fall away from faith permanently. Misguided loyalty allows the delusions of the leader to grow and destroys the faith of the loyal. The result may be financial or spiritual bankruptcy. The only hope to protect other potential victims is for the leader who claims to be God's special officer to be forced into accountability or dethroned.
Power often corrupts. When organizations develop with little or no accountability for the leader, tremendous potential exists for the leader to fall into corruption. One church I was involved with in Texas confronted a minister about his behaviour. Many issues led to the question of whether the minister should stay or go. The minister responded by saying he had started the church and that anyone disagreeing with him should leave. He claimed that God had given him a vision for the church and the means by which the church had grown. The leaders knuckled under to the pressure, and the minister retained his position. He continued with no form of accountability, and it was only a matter of time until he got into trouble again.
When ministers wield absolute authority, everyone loses, even God. This is always the case when religion serves the person instead of a person serving God.
(Toxic Faith, Chapter 6)
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Claims About Special Character, Abilities or Knowledge
Toxic Characteristic #1
The members of the toxic-faith system claim their character, abilities, or knowledge make them "special" in some way. Members of toxic faith systems reach a point in their addictive progression where they make claims about themselves to set themselves apart from others. They may attempt to support these claims with Scripture. Each time Scripture is used, some followers are more motivated to serve, feeling God's special hand on the ministry and the people involved with it.
Some of the most clever deceivers in history have used Scripture to foster their toxic faith. Satan had no problems in quoting Scripture to strengthen his temptations of Christ. The good guys are not the only ones who use Scripture!
One pastor asserted his "specialness" by quoting the book of Revelation, where John writes:
To the angel of the church of Ephesus write,
"These things says He who holds the seven stars in His right hand, who walks in the midst of the seven golden lampstands." (Revelation 2:1).
Now, follow this reasoning: This pastor asserted that the angel mentioned in this quotation was the pastor at the church at Ephesus. Because he, too, pastored a church, the Lord also spoke directly to him, much like He did to the pastor (or angel) at the church of Ephesus and so, since God spoke to the pastor at the church at Ephesus in order for him to pass on God's word to the people, God likewise spoke to him to communicate to the people of his church. Thus, he justified his special communication with God.
This type of claim concerning divine direction is very dangerous. It places the leader above all others. Challenging the authority or accuracy of the leader is equated with challenging the very Word of God. How could anyone disagree with a leader who says he has a direct link with God? Who would want to be pitted against the Word of God? The leader knows this and uses it as a clever manipulation of the "ignorant" followers who believe in the sincerity of their toxic leader. When members of that organization challenge the motives or actions of the leaders, they are put off with statements like, "I was only doing what God asked me to do." For those under that type of manipulation, there is no way to challenge the leaders' position. They either agree and obey or suffer the consequences. And religious addicts are more than eager to agree and obey.
(from Toxic Faith, Chapter 6)
The members of the toxic-faith system claim their character, abilities, or knowledge make them "special" in some way. Members of toxic faith systems reach a point in their addictive progression where they make claims about themselves to set themselves apart from others. They may attempt to support these claims with Scripture. Each time Scripture is used, some followers are more motivated to serve, feeling God's special hand on the ministry and the people involved with it.
Some of the most clever deceivers in history have used Scripture to foster their toxic faith. Satan had no problems in quoting Scripture to strengthen his temptations of Christ. The good guys are not the only ones who use Scripture!
One pastor asserted his "specialness" by quoting the book of Revelation, where John writes:
To the angel of the church of Ephesus write,
"These things says He who holds the seven stars in His right hand, who walks in the midst of the seven golden lampstands." (Revelation 2:1).
Now, follow this reasoning: This pastor asserted that the angel mentioned in this quotation was the pastor at the church at Ephesus. Because he, too, pastored a church, the Lord also spoke directly to him, much like He did to the pastor (or angel) at the church of Ephesus and so, since God spoke to the pastor at the church at Ephesus in order for him to pass on God's word to the people, God likewise spoke to him to communicate to the people of his church. Thus, he justified his special communication with God.
This type of claim concerning divine direction is very dangerous. It places the leader above all others. Challenging the authority or accuracy of the leader is equated with challenging the very Word of God. How could anyone disagree with a leader who says he has a direct link with God? Who would want to be pitted against the Word of God? The leader knows this and uses it as a clever manipulation of the "ignorant" followers who believe in the sincerity of their toxic leader. When members of that organization challenge the motives or actions of the leaders, they are put off with statements like, "I was only doing what God asked me to do." For those under that type of manipulation, there is no way to challenge the leaders' position. They either agree and obey or suffer the consequences. And religious addicts are more than eager to agree and obey.
(from Toxic Faith, Chapter 6)
Monday, August 11, 2008
What to do to go to Hell!
Absolutely Nothing!
We have already sinned enough to deserve Hell! "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). "The wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23a). "He that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God" (John 3:18b).
The place of condemned sinners? Hell. God's Word, the Bible, describes Hell as a place of torment, outer darkness, and "weeping and gnashing of teeth" (Matthew 8:12b). It's "where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched" (Mark 9:44).
The Good News: God does not want you to go to Hell!
"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some men count slackness; but is long suffering us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9).
God provided the only way to be saved from Hell!
"This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners" (1 Timothy 1:15a).
You must turn from "your ways" and completely trust Jesus Christ to save you!
"The gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23b). "He that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on Him." (John 3:36b).
It's Your Decision.
Why not take God at His word? Jesus said that whoever "cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out" (John 6:37b). "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved" (Romans 10:13).
Will You Accept Jesus?
Why not pray and ask Him into your heart? "Jesus, I now admit that I am a sinner going to Hell, and I need You as my Saviour. I now cease to rely on myself, my religion, or anything I might do to save myself. I now accept You as my Saviour. I believe You died on the cross for my sins, You were buried, and You arose the third day. I trust in You with my whole heart. Thank You, Lord Jesus."
If you have trusted Christ as your personal Saviour as a result of reading this, and you want further help in the decision you have made or if you have more questions about the Christian faith, please contact us by e-mail or visit http://www.emmanuelbarrie.org/.
We have already sinned enough to deserve Hell! "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). "The wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23a). "He that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God" (John 3:18b).
The place of condemned sinners? Hell. God's Word, the Bible, describes Hell as a place of torment, outer darkness, and "weeping and gnashing of teeth" (Matthew 8:12b). It's "where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched" (Mark 9:44).
The Good News: God does not want you to go to Hell!
"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some men count slackness; but is long suffering us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9).
God provided the only way to be saved from Hell!
"This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners" (1 Timothy 1:15a).
You must turn from "your ways" and completely trust Jesus Christ to save you!
"The gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23b). "He that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on Him." (John 3:36b).
It's Your Decision.
Why not take God at His word? Jesus said that whoever "cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out" (John 6:37b). "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved" (Romans 10:13).
Will You Accept Jesus?
Why not pray and ask Him into your heart? "Jesus, I now admit that I am a sinner going to Hell, and I need You as my Saviour. I now cease to rely on myself, my religion, or anything I might do to save myself. I now accept You as my Saviour. I believe You died on the cross for my sins, You were buried, and You arose the third day. I trust in You with my whole heart. Thank You, Lord Jesus."
If you have trusted Christ as your personal Saviour as a result of reading this, and you want further help in the decision you have made or if you have more questions about the Christian faith, please contact us by e-mail or visit http://www.emmanuelbarrie.org/.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
One Person's Journey Down the Toxic Faith Road
I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour in April of 1974. I was sixteen and a sophomore in high school. Being raised in the Church I knew all the stories, but I did not know Jesus personally. A Sunday afternoon in the park changed all that. Then the fun really began.
My parents were busy looking for a "deeper teaching," not a closer walk. This led them to a cult church. Like all cults it had some good, right-on Bible teachings. It also had even more interpretive twists, false teachings, and power-abusive leaders. There was even a seasonal prophet. By that I mean "HIS" prophecies always had something to do with what time of year it was. Easter had a bunny, Thanksgiving had a turkey, Christmas had a tree, etc.
Most of all the decisions for the church and congregation were made at the weekly men's meeting. This was great if you were a man. Women did not enjoy many liberties if any at all. They were constantly told to just submit and obey without question.
The pastor, or shepherd, had final say in everything in the lives of his flock, whether to buy a house, take a vacation, get married, and even whom to marry. Two of the women in the church were given permission to marry. One to her boyfriend, who was a member of the church, and the other one to an appointed gentleman in the church who had a small boy but had no wife to help raise him. Many people sold everything they had and gave it to the church. Then they would share housing with others in the church. My parents would later do this and live with the shepherd and his family. This eventually led to their leaving the church. It's one thing to go to church with somebody; it's another to live with them.
My spirit told me that this was wrong, yet I could not prove it when biblically challenged. It's sad that we sometimes need to be challenged before we start to read the Bible. But for me it was God taking a bad situation and making it good. People from the church (usually men) started stopping by the house unexpectedly with a word of correction for me. Everything I said or did was questioned and analyzed by my parents or their friends. I started asking God questions. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Am I out of the Will of God? God does not want His children fighting does He? As I became more familiar with the Bible, I was able to answer many of my parents' and their friends' questions or statements with what was truly in the Bible and show them where it was in the Bible. I soon became known as the black sheep of the family. Unfortunately, my mother told many a tall tale about what was really going on in our house to my grandparents and other relatives. She rationalized that they didn't have as deep a walk as she had, therefore they wouldn't understand.
Discipline was many times handled at the men's meeting. The child offender would have to pull his or her pants down and be spanked with two male witnesses present. This was very upsetting to the young girl teenagers of the group. Fortunately, my younger sister and I were never disciplined in this manner. Being in our late teens and very strong-willed (we would not submit), we were just verbally reprimanded or grounded.
One month before I was to turn eighteen, I had a best friend chosen for me. It was the seasonal prophet. I was also informed that I was no longer allowed to date until I was eighteen. I could not date girls except those in the church and I could not date them until I became a member of the church. Dating was also something the girls had no control over. You see, if a boy wanted to take out a girl, he didn't ask her. He asked her father. The girl had no choice.
Upon my eighteenth birthday I was given three choices:
My parents were busy looking for a "deeper teaching," not a closer walk. This led them to a cult church. Like all cults it had some good, right-on Bible teachings. It also had even more interpretive twists, false teachings, and power-abusive leaders. There was even a seasonal prophet. By that I mean "HIS" prophecies always had something to do with what time of year it was. Easter had a bunny, Thanksgiving had a turkey, Christmas had a tree, etc.
Most of all the decisions for the church and congregation were made at the weekly men's meeting. This was great if you were a man. Women did not enjoy many liberties if any at all. They were constantly told to just submit and obey without question.
The pastor, or shepherd, had final say in everything in the lives of his flock, whether to buy a house, take a vacation, get married, and even whom to marry. Two of the women in the church were given permission to marry. One to her boyfriend, who was a member of the church, and the other one to an appointed gentleman in the church who had a small boy but had no wife to help raise him. Many people sold everything they had and gave it to the church. Then they would share housing with others in the church. My parents would later do this and live with the shepherd and his family. This eventually led to their leaving the church. It's one thing to go to church with somebody; it's another to live with them.
My spirit told me that this was wrong, yet I could not prove it when biblically challenged. It's sad that we sometimes need to be challenged before we start to read the Bible. But for me it was God taking a bad situation and making it good. People from the church (usually men) started stopping by the house unexpectedly with a word of correction for me. Everything I said or did was questioned and analyzed by my parents or their friends. I started asking God questions. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Am I out of the Will of God? God does not want His children fighting does He? As I became more familiar with the Bible, I was able to answer many of my parents' and their friends' questions or statements with what was truly in the Bible and show them where it was in the Bible. I soon became known as the black sheep of the family. Unfortunately, my mother told many a tall tale about what was really going on in our house to my grandparents and other relatives. She rationalized that they didn't have as deep a walk as she had, therefore they wouldn't understand.
Discipline was many times handled at the men's meeting. The child offender would have to pull his or her pants down and be spanked with two male witnesses present. This was very upsetting to the young girl teenagers of the group. Fortunately, my younger sister and I were never disciplined in this manner. Being in our late teens and very strong-willed (we would not submit), we were just verbally reprimanded or grounded.
One month before I was to turn eighteen, I had a best friend chosen for me. It was the seasonal prophet. I was also informed that I was no longer allowed to date until I was eighteen. I could not date girls except those in the church and I could not date them until I became a member of the church. Dating was also something the girls had no control over. You see, if a boy wanted to take out a girl, he didn't ask her. He asked her father. The girl had no choice.
Upon my eighteenth birthday I was given three choices:
- Join the church, and live at home.
- Move out and live on my own.
- Move into the single men's home.
I had felt this coming on, so I had already accelerated my studies to graduate early from high school. This was not easy because I had to work thirty hours a week from the time I turned sixteen to pay for my own rent, gas, and car insurance. Also, 25 percent of my income went to the church. This was not by my choice but by my parents. I never complain now about giving 10 percent.
Two days after my eighteenth birthday I moved out of my parents' home with the help of four friends. My parents had gone out to a meeting, making this the most opportune time to leave without a fight. The next morning though, I got my fight. My father had come to the grocery store where I worked. Before I clocked in, he asked me if I would step outside so we could talk in private. We got outside and as I turned around he "sucker punched" me. Being sixty pounds heavier and four inches taller he was able to knock me down with one punch. He then informed me that they (mom and dad) had given my soul over to the devil for the cleansing of my spirit and that I would be dead in six months. I did agree to talk with one of the elders from my parent's church. At the time, he was living in a trailer up on a nearby mountain. I prayed the whole way up that if I weren't sure of discipleship being right or wrong, that I would just drive off that mountain. Not a real healthy thought.
Well, I did go into the meeting all prayed up (the only way I know to get some good answers). After three and one half hours, I was sure God was real. I looked at the elder and saw right through him. In fact, I was able to share with him about our loving God, the one we can call Father. I left rejoicing. Later, when my parents left the church, one of their friends informed me that the purpose of that meeting was to pluck my eyes out. They felt my eyes were causing me to sin. It pays to go into battle with your armour on!
Over the next eight months, I lived with friends and other members of my family. I thought about joining the military, but I felt that I was needed more as as witness to my parents than in a barracks somewhere else.
Then just before Christmas my parents left the church. I wish I could say that we all lived happily ever after, but I cannot. Not yet, anyway. My dad and uncle no longer talk to each other. In fact, my uncle won't even mention God now unless he is swearing. My parents feel that I deserted them when I left home, so they have very little to do with me or my family. I have tried to reconcile, but they do not wish to talk about it. But who knows, prayer does and will change things.
What a sad account of an experience with toxic faith. Too few understand that people are being exploited in this way every day. Religious addiction develops in a toxic faith system and flourishes where other addicts build the system. Without the system that feeds into and off the addiction, the addiction would die. Every toxic system has identifiable characteristics that set it apart from healthy systems. (See the next blog).
Friday, August 1, 2008
Forms and Variations of Toxic Faith.
Compulsive Religious Activity
Compulsive religious addicts are driven by guilt and a desire to earn favour from God. They work hard in hopes of a day when God will look down on their efforts and change reality for them. They hope He will see their hard work and decide to relieve their pain or magically make life easier for them.
Laziness
Some people with toxic faith are lazy. Laziness is the most common form of self-defeating behaviour. Their faith dumps responsibility for everything that happens on God. Rather than work to heal a marriage, for example, they want God to fix it instantly. Rather than go for counseling, they pray for a miracle, asking God to do for them what God probably wants them to do for themselves. They want a servant God; they don’t want to serve God. They want a god-drug that will wipe out consequences and quickly ease all hurts.
That view of God is toxic and addictive. It is irresponsible and leaves believers stagnant, full of false hope, and unrealistic expectations.
Giving to Get
Many give out of a belief that the more they give, the more they will get. Their giving is more like a materialistic investment than a spiritual act of worship. Such believers hope their affluence will increase as they give more to a ministry.
Of course, God does promise to bless his people for faithful stewardship – but that blessing is not necessarily in the form of cold, hard cash. Some fund-raisers ask people to “claim” their material blessings. Supporters are told to claim the Rolls-Royce they want, to trust God to provide it, to give money to secure it, and it will come. Some charlatains arrange for the unsuspecting to receive the automobile they “claimed”. These hucksters go out and buy a car, deliver it, and then write-up the “miracle” in a newsletter to inform all the other faithful (whose automobiles have not yet arrived). They are told that if they have more faith and give more money, they will receive the material possessions they want. With this “proof” before them, the duped shell out more money, hoping God will give them what they believe they deserve.
God cannot be bribed or bought, but the actions of many individuals appear to be attempts to do just that. This form of religious addict has more in common with a compulsive gambler than with a faithful follower of God.
Self-Obsession
Self-obsession leads to the practice of toxic faith, religious addiction, and all other addictions. Poisoned by their constant focus on their own needs, hurts, and desire for relief, the self-obsessed have little room left for worshiping God or meeting the needs of others. It is no wonder that people living in such a selfish state have sky-high expectations of God.
Of course, God does relieve burdens, He does bless. He meets needs in miraculous ways. He brings babies to infertile couples. At times, He will heal or reverse a terminal disease. Evidences of divine intervention abound; we call them miracles. But the reason they are called miracles is that they rarely happen. To have faith in God because He is bound to perform miracles is to have faith in miracles more than in God. More often today people proclaim faith in God as long as that faith will increase the bottom line and make life better. There is no greater sin than self-obsession, and no greater poison of faith.
Extreme Intolerance
Religious addicts are extremely intolerant of varying opinions or expressions of faith. Either walk their way or be out of step. Rather than accept other believers, their rigidity rejects them. They routinely judge others and find the negative in everyone else’s life. From a position of superiority, they put down others for what they believe and how they manifest their faith. They want to control the lives of others, especially what they believe.
Extreme intolerance is common among those with toxic faith. They will sacrifice relationships with family and friends to uphold a standard or ideal of their own faith. As long as they believe they are doing what God would have them do, they won’t hesitate to push their ideas on others and judge them as less faithful and less in touch with the way things should be done.
Addiction to a Religious High
But there is another kind of relief, an emotional frenzy that becomes an addiction and robs the individual of real faith. Many strange incidents develop when faith becomes unbalanced. A story is told of a woman on a trip to the Holy Land who each time she visited a site, worked herself into a frenzy, chanted loudly, then passed out, claiming to be slain in the Spirit. Although most people on the tour were charismatic Christians, they were not impressed with her performance. Her repeated frenzies showed that she was addicted to the self-manufactured highs that were supposed to be religious experience. Often the toxic faithful become so enthralled with the religious experience that they reduce God to secondary importance.
Some people cannot or will not handle the downs after a marvelous spiritual experience. Rather than deal with reality, they manufacture a pseudo-religious experience or a spiritual frenzy. The adrenaline rush energizes and stimulates them, alters their mood, and provides relief from real pain. The hysteria is repeated anytime they need to escape or feel differently. These “instant religious experience” practitioners might as well take a drink, swallow a pill, or inject a drug. The intent is not to worship God but to alter their perception of reality. They are religious junkies, obsessed with mood alterations and a quick fix to face life.
These variations of toxic faith and religious addictions never bring people to God. In fact, they form barriers between individuals and God, which allow the deceived to stay busy and active in every way except for a true worship experience. With barriers to God and others in place, the toxic faithful are left with many more painful feelings to compound the original pain at the core of their toxic faith.
Every addiction ultimately destroys intimacy with family, friends, and God. The addicted loathe placing themselves in a vulnerable position of trust with another. Toxic faith is no different. Those with toxic faith cannot or will not trust God. Faith has been eroded, and as individuals place distance between themselves and God, the chasm formed is filled with compulsion, activity, addiction, manipulation, control, and extreme effort. The work is never done and the heart is never at rest. Faith has become toxic.
Once faith is poisoned, it is a complex process to detoxify the individual and restore a pure faith. Identifying the toxic elements is the beginning of hope. To look within one’s self and find the elements of toxic faith and remove them is the most formidable challenge. Some people are so self-obsessed, so sold on faith in themselves, that it is difficult for them to break through denial and see what is sick at their core and how that sickness has damaged their relationships, including the one with God. By making the effort to detoxify faith, one will go through some difficult times before finding what God designed for a relationship with Himself. But in the end, a relationship based on pure faith leads to complete contentment and joy.
(from the book "Toxic Faith")
Compulsive religious addicts are driven by guilt and a desire to earn favour from God. They work hard in hopes of a day when God will look down on their efforts and change reality for them. They hope He will see their hard work and decide to relieve their pain or magically make life easier for them.
Laziness
Some people with toxic faith are lazy. Laziness is the most common form of self-defeating behaviour. Their faith dumps responsibility for everything that happens on God. Rather than work to heal a marriage, for example, they want God to fix it instantly. Rather than go for counseling, they pray for a miracle, asking God to do for them what God probably wants them to do for themselves. They want a servant God; they don’t want to serve God. They want a god-drug that will wipe out consequences and quickly ease all hurts.
That view of God is toxic and addictive. It is irresponsible and leaves believers stagnant, full of false hope, and unrealistic expectations.
Giving to Get
Many give out of a belief that the more they give, the more they will get. Their giving is more like a materialistic investment than a spiritual act of worship. Such believers hope their affluence will increase as they give more to a ministry.
Of course, God does promise to bless his people for faithful stewardship – but that blessing is not necessarily in the form of cold, hard cash. Some fund-raisers ask people to “claim” their material blessings. Supporters are told to claim the Rolls-Royce they want, to trust God to provide it, to give money to secure it, and it will come. Some charlatains arrange for the unsuspecting to receive the automobile they “claimed”. These hucksters go out and buy a car, deliver it, and then write-up the “miracle” in a newsletter to inform all the other faithful (whose automobiles have not yet arrived). They are told that if they have more faith and give more money, they will receive the material possessions they want. With this “proof” before them, the duped shell out more money, hoping God will give them what they believe they deserve.
God cannot be bribed or bought, but the actions of many individuals appear to be attempts to do just that. This form of religious addict has more in common with a compulsive gambler than with a faithful follower of God.
Self-Obsession
Self-obsession leads to the practice of toxic faith, religious addiction, and all other addictions. Poisoned by their constant focus on their own needs, hurts, and desire for relief, the self-obsessed have little room left for worshiping God or meeting the needs of others. It is no wonder that people living in such a selfish state have sky-high expectations of God.
Of course, God does relieve burdens, He does bless. He meets needs in miraculous ways. He brings babies to infertile couples. At times, He will heal or reverse a terminal disease. Evidences of divine intervention abound; we call them miracles. But the reason they are called miracles is that they rarely happen. To have faith in God because He is bound to perform miracles is to have faith in miracles more than in God. More often today people proclaim faith in God as long as that faith will increase the bottom line and make life better. There is no greater sin than self-obsession, and no greater poison of faith.
Extreme Intolerance
Religious addicts are extremely intolerant of varying opinions or expressions of faith. Either walk their way or be out of step. Rather than accept other believers, their rigidity rejects them. They routinely judge others and find the negative in everyone else’s life. From a position of superiority, they put down others for what they believe and how they manifest their faith. They want to control the lives of others, especially what they believe.
Extreme intolerance is common among those with toxic faith. They will sacrifice relationships with family and friends to uphold a standard or ideal of their own faith. As long as they believe they are doing what God would have them do, they won’t hesitate to push their ideas on others and judge them as less faithful and less in touch with the way things should be done.
Addiction to a Religious High
But there is another kind of relief, an emotional frenzy that becomes an addiction and robs the individual of real faith. Many strange incidents develop when faith becomes unbalanced. A story is told of a woman on a trip to the Holy Land who each time she visited a site, worked herself into a frenzy, chanted loudly, then passed out, claiming to be slain in the Spirit. Although most people on the tour were charismatic Christians, they were not impressed with her performance. Her repeated frenzies showed that she was addicted to the self-manufactured highs that were supposed to be religious experience. Often the toxic faithful become so enthralled with the religious experience that they reduce God to secondary importance.
Some people cannot or will not handle the downs after a marvelous spiritual experience. Rather than deal with reality, they manufacture a pseudo-religious experience or a spiritual frenzy. The adrenaline rush energizes and stimulates them, alters their mood, and provides relief from real pain. The hysteria is repeated anytime they need to escape or feel differently. These “instant religious experience” practitioners might as well take a drink, swallow a pill, or inject a drug. The intent is not to worship God but to alter their perception of reality. They are religious junkies, obsessed with mood alterations and a quick fix to face life.
These variations of toxic faith and religious addictions never bring people to God. In fact, they form barriers between individuals and God, which allow the deceived to stay busy and active in every way except for a true worship experience. With barriers to God and others in place, the toxic faithful are left with many more painful feelings to compound the original pain at the core of their toxic faith.
Every addiction ultimately destroys intimacy with family, friends, and God. The addicted loathe placing themselves in a vulnerable position of trust with another. Toxic faith is no different. Those with toxic faith cannot or will not trust God. Faith has been eroded, and as individuals place distance between themselves and God, the chasm formed is filled with compulsion, activity, addiction, manipulation, control, and extreme effort. The work is never done and the heart is never at rest. Faith has become toxic.
Once faith is poisoned, it is a complex process to detoxify the individual and restore a pure faith. Identifying the toxic elements is the beginning of hope. To look within one’s self and find the elements of toxic faith and remove them is the most formidable challenge. Some people are so self-obsessed, so sold on faith in themselves, that it is difficult for them to break through denial and see what is sick at their core and how that sickness has damaged their relationships, including the one with God. By making the effort to detoxify faith, one will go through some difficult times before finding what God designed for a relationship with Himself. But in the end, a relationship based on pure faith leads to complete contentment and joy.
(from the book "Toxic Faith")
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